As a human being, we all have needs and our way of dealing needs shapes our reality; the job we choose, what we eat, what we wear, where to live, how to contribute.We think we do all instinctual. Some yes, but not all and not all the time. We tend to fulfil our needs how we learned from parents, society, culture, surroundings, even media. How much we become aware of which way we fulfill our needs, we can get much more meaningful results. We can try to fulfill our needs either in a negative and harmful way or in a positive and empowering way. If the way we try to meet those needs is not in line with our values then we will experience conflict and discontent. When we are able to align our needs with our highest values then we will feel more completed and fulfilled. After that or similar time it is also defined a little bit different by Dr. Shindler and Tony Robbins and his business partner Cloe Madanes (family therapist). I found Tony Robbins way of interpretation is very simple and very practical and so I want to share with you:
1- CERTAINTY ; This is the need for security, comfort and consistency
2- UNCERTAINTY / VARIETY; This is need for variety, challenges,
3- SIGNIFICANCE; The need to feel important, needed, wanted and worthy of love
4- LOVE & CONNECTION; The need for feeling connected with and loved by other human beings.
5- GROWTH; The need for constant development emotionally, intellectually and spiritually
6- CONTRIBUTION; Giving beyond ourselves and giving to otherside.
As you listen from Tony Robbins even we fulfil first 4 of needs, we do not feel FULL, we do not feel meaningful. With growth and contribution, we can find meaning in life, in job, in relationship. First 4 needs are Personality Needs and upcoming 4 needs are Spiritual Needs. Tony Robbins states we all deal our life with 2 major needs. As simple as it sounds, few people know what they most want in life, and even fewer consistently focus on getting it. For most of us, most of the time, we focus on the means to getting what we want rather than the core needs themselves. We obsess on "success" at our job, making "enough" money, or having the "perfect" relationship — or else we don't focus at all, and simply react to what life throws at us. So it is good opportunity to know how needs mechanism works; In every relationship, every job actually we look instinctually to fulfil those needs and if any of them do not satisfy, we start to feel discomfort. Knowing how to deal with those discomforts bring us higher quality relationships. What do you think after reading above, what are your 2 most important needs? How do you fulfil them? If you are not happy right now with your life, your business or relationship, maybe your 2 driver needs are not satisfied? Maybe it is the time for you sit and consider how you can fulfil those needs? I look forward to hearing from you, "The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority."Kenneth Blanchard
Which needs are most important for you? What do you do to meet those needs? Are you meeting those needs in a way which is empowering or in a way which is destructive?
Thank you very much, Nilgun Yetiş / Transformational Coach