The majority of books regarding marriage and relationships are about saving the union. This is important because as a couple, you really need to team up and work things out together. However, sometimes it's also wise to know when to let go. If you really feel the need to to file for a legal separation or divorce, but not sure if you should go with the process or not—here are some of the most common signs that your marriage and relationship may be beyond repair:
You're no longer a team
This may sound cheesy, but it's really true. In healthily marriages, both individuals should function as a team; starting from running the household, to parenting, to supporting each other in personal and career ambitions. So if you've both started to move in completely separate routes, or if you're no longer working together as one, then it's a sign of serious trouble.
Refusing to try
Some relationships go through big problems such as loss of a close family member, infidelity, or a long sexual drought. So if one spouse repeatedly brings up a particular issue, asks for a solution and/or help, and makes it clear that the marriage will not last long unless both of them commits to solving the said issue, and the other one refuses to go along the process, then the marriage is in deep trouble.
The "uncoupled" couple
People whose marriages are nearly over have usually 'uncoupled' or are already disconnected from each other. If you're no longer spending any time together and one or both of you spends all of his/her time with friends, at work, or online — and it feels like a relief to not be with each other—then it's one of the signs that you're slowly falling out.
Lack of respect
One of the most crucial aspects of a healthy marriage is the shared respect you have for one another. When that's gone, especially when one partner consistently feels rejected, dismissed, and condescended to— you're in a bad place. Marriages that lacks respect are toxic.
No compromise is being made
A major part of marriage is about trying to fulfil your partner's needs while also making sure that your own needs are being met. It's the process of give-and-take and it definitely requires constant communication. So if your partner continually refuses to listen to what you need, or refuses to share his/her own needs, then you're not in a good place.
The cheating spouse
Some people are just not cut out for a happy marriage life. These are the ones who are unable to remain monogamous, even when they've already been caught cheating at one point. What's worse, they manage to put the blame for their untrustworthiness on their partner, usually for being too controlling and/or jealous.
Lack off quality time and intimacy
When there's a definite lack of interest in sex and they don't do anything about it, or they are in very different places on it— then the relationship may not be as passionate as it was before. Essentially, the main trigger is that sex is no longer working and hasn't worked for quite a while.
Change in handling of the finances
The unusual spendings, withdrawals, and activity in your joint accounts is far more telling than a spouse may let on. Sometimes, people may even consult their therapists or tell their friends that their spouse is already changing accounts and moving money. That's already a sign that your partner is probably getting ready to get out of the marriage and move onto the separation or divorce stage.
The lack of communication
In marriages, nothing can't be solved without an honest and open communication. If you've reached the point where you don't really talk about important things or openly settle an argument, and instead all you ever talk about is mundane things— then divorce could be in the way. The lack of intimate and personal communication in a marriage is a very bad sign.
Fighting more frequently than before
When the arguments are getting redundant yet it never gets resolved, it's probably time to seek for help. Talking may seem useless at this point as you are constantly arguing over the same issue and it only increases in frequency. The worse part is, it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Marriage is about compromise after all, as well as having good communication with each other in order to resolve certain conflicts.
If you're going through any of these, it may be wise to let go and do what's best for you and your children. However, you need to have a good divorce solicitor in case you decide to go through with the legal separation or divorce. The process can be emotional and time consuming so you will need someone with skills and expertise to guide you throughout the entire thing.
A divorce solicitor will discuss with you the reasons behind the failure of the marriage and whether the marriage can still be saved. If not, you may be required to provide information regarding the date of separation, as well as the details of any children of the family which includes the proposed future arrangements for the children. Details of your own and your partner's income, assets, pension, and savings may also be needed.
Divorce can be an emotional time for all of those involved. That's why having trustworthy divorce solicitors to shoulder the burden for you is important, so that you can start the process of re-building your life.
Lloyd Platt & Co is UK's leading firm of family, divorce and criminal solicitors in London. We acknowledge the difficult process of going through a divorce which is why we identify the most efficient strategy to make the process much easier. Our team is here to give you expert advice and support.