"..."skeletons" after becoming invested..." ~ You, Me, Life, Dreams The Workbook ~
There are many fears that can arise when it comes to being in a relationship; and finding "skeletons" after becoming invested is a big one for many people. Many people often may find themselves waiting for a bomb to drop; as the euphoria of the initial connecting phase of a relationship starts to wear off. Often times, our fears stem out of the aspect of knowing (even if it is subconsciously) that we may not be thinking or seeing clearly when we first meet someone.
Fears can arise before entering a relationship; or once the relationship begins to solidify and become more "real" as it progresses. Skeletons often arise from 2 key aspects. The first is that we ignore or don't look at what we don't want to see; or may dismiss things very early on when we are getting to know someone. The second is that the person we are interested in doesn't disclose things to us upfront; but as time goes on they surface anyways.
I have found that it can help to make a list prior to entering a relationship or whenever you feel fears surfacing. This is a list of your fears. What are you afraid might happen? They are the things that may have happened in the past or those things that concern us so much that we hold back from being fully present and investing ourselves fully into the relationship.
Once you have your list (and this can be for other areas of your life besides relationships by the way); give each fear a solution. Creating a plan of action for what you would do if each fear manifests; allows your mind to release the concern and worry, and in many cases will keep the fear from ever happening. Your mind accepts the "problem" as solved and moves on more peacefully.
In looking at "skeletons" after we are already invested, I like to refer back to how that skeleton plays into my negotiable and non-negotiable list; and then act accordingly. If it is on my non-negotiables; I lovingly release the relationship. If it is on my negotiables, then I use the situation as an opportunity to lovingly reinforce the importance of being open in communicating with each other; and decide how to move forward by adjusting to the situation.
In codes fear/s is founded in those experiences that could bring an ending to something or give us the opportunity to transform it. In it's plural sense it is an opportunity to create success and happiness through standing in our light and standing strong in principals. So singular or plural; it opens the doors to moving forward either because we outgrow the situation or so that the situation can grow and expand to the next stage. When we look at it this way, we really only stand to receive blessings out of our fear/s; and thus really have nothing to fear.