Your life is a reflection of your emotional state of being. You have developed a system to deal with, and process, emotions based on what you learned as a child. Your specific Emotional Operating System is the result of many factors, including:
-how you learned to manipulate others;
-how you learned to get what you want;
-how you learned to survive;
-and what you learned watching your parents
Most of us did not grow up in an environment where expressing emotions was safe or acceptable. In many cases, the display of emotion was met with resistance and ridicule. Human beings are designed to adapt and survive. Once you realize expressing your feelings is not allowed, you naturally shut down your emotions as a defense mechanism. This protects you from the negative energy and pain.
The result of this tactic is not feeling your emotions. The only question is how you learned to avoid your feelings. The most common techniques are repression, self-criticism, compulsive behavior and acting out.
Let's look at each of these and how they impact your life.
In this case, you have learned to push the emotions down. The problem is, your energy is always moving and it has to go somewhere. This blocked energy can manifest in illness, create accidents or other problems in your life.
You may have been trained to beat yourself up when things do not go as you hoped or expected. This creates internal stress and lowers your energy. You will also feel unworthy and undeserving.
Another great way to avoid your feelings is with compulsive behavior. What do you do when you feel stressed or upset? Some favorite options are, cleaning, eating, alcohol, drugs, exercise or work. This is how many people deal with emotions they do not want to feel. It is a great distraction and it moves you out of your feelings.
This is the method of using other people and situations to create drama or an outburst. A person who acts out uses the outside world to shift the focus of their feelings. This type of person has learned to manipulate energy and others to play their game. By creating drama, all of the emotion is focused on the outside event.
Your emotional operating system has been developed and perfected over many years. You watched your parents, saw what worked and developed your own system. Once in place, this is the way you process and manage your emotions. Unfortunately, most of us were not exposed to any emotional upgrades.
We are constantly upgrading our computer and cellphone systems. Every time you receive a notice, you quickly update your software. This ensures your device will be working at the highest level. You should be doing the same thing for your emotional operating system. Too bad we do not receive a notice to upgrade ourselves.
The process of upgrading your emotional system is based on a few keys items. First, and most important, is your desire to change and accept that you are the issue. There can be no blame or judgment here. These feelings move you into victim mode and there is no power in this state.
As I said earlier, your life reflects your emotional state. When you change your emotional state, you change your life in the physical world. All lasting changes in your life are internal. The external is simply showing you how you are doing on the inside.
The question is...how do I upgrade my Emotional Operating System and make the changes I am truly seeking?
Here are the 5 steps to help you upgrade:
When I say awareness, I am not referring to your surroundings. I am referring to your feelings. It is very important to be aware of how you are feeling all day long. Most people run around all day from one task to the next and then move into their behavior to deal with issues. Now you want to stop when something upsets you and ask yourself this simple question: "How do I feel?" This simple question will change your life forever.
Next, you have to accept how you feel without judgment. What does that mean? Your feeling is not good or bad, it simply is what it is. If you feel angry, you must allow yourself to feel that emotion. Do not say or think, "I should not be angry about this". That is a judgment and it will take you out of your emotion.
3-Identify What You are Really Feeling:
When dealing with emotions, it is important to truly understand what you are actually feeling. You may be feeling angry, for example, but that is not what you are actually feeling. I always ask clients to go under the surface feeling and identify what they are really feeling.
Why are you angry? How is this person or situation making you feel? For example, one of my clients, Judy, was having issues at work. She was always angry at her boss for not acknowledging her ideas. When I asked her about the feeling she said, "I feel like I do not matter and what I say is not important. It makes me feel unworthy."
4-Finding the Emotional Anchor:
Once you know what the feeling is, unworthiness in this case, you have to find out where it started. Who made you feel unworthy as child? This will be tied back to one of you parents. Judy was able to track this back to her father. She remembered a specific incident when she finished a science project and was excited to show her father. He was dismissive and made her feel the project was no big deal. Judy was angry with her father, but on a deeper level, she was hurt, felt unimportant and unworthy.
5-Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotion:
When you bring up an incident like this it is charged with emotion. Most of us have been conditioned to block the feeling in some way. Now you are going to allow yourself to be angry at your father and then feel the unworthiness you have been blocking. You are not necessarily angry at your father. You are upset about how he made you feel. Feel the feeling in a pure sense with no judgment. This emotional exercise releases the negative energy you have been holding.
Every time you allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment, you are upgrading your Emotional Operating System. Be aware of how you feel and let the emotions flow. You will shift your energy and change your life for the better.
About Joe Nunziata
Joe Nunziata is a best-selling author, spiritual life and business coach, and professional speaker who teaches that to make permanent changes you must clear your negative energy and break destructive patterns of behavior at the core level. The transformational process that Joe developed enables people to create new energy and beliefs designed to achieve sustained, positive growth in all areas of life. Since 1992, Joe has been delivering his life-changing message at events and seminars and his programs that blend spirituality, psychology, philosophy and the power of internal energy. He has appeared on many television and radio programs including Good Day New York and Street Talk on Fox TV, Cablevision News 12, Gaiam TV, Better TV, The Braveheart Network and various radio stations across the country.