As I prepare to come back to the Quantum Academy, teaching, activating and inspiring once more, I find myself deeply grateful for the incredible outpouring of love through these past weeks, both before our little Virgil's birth, through the time we had him in our hearts and hands, and then through the grieving process of loss and sorrow.
You know it's a high statistic of adoptions that fail, actually 27%, so now that we have that under our belt we can move on and bring in a baby that can stay with us for a lifetime.
Virgil was such a sweet, dear, precious child, and he came with many, many serious health challenges. I had this sense about 10 days ago, as I moved out of shock and into grief, God said: no, this is not your burden to take on for a lifetime. And although I didn't like it, I could see the greater purpose in my loving him for his first 5 days, and doing many clearings for him. Holding and singing to him round the clock and helping him to have those first days be as close to heaven on earth as Adelia and I could create for him.
Virgil will always be in our hearts, and we will not forget him, he was meant to be part of our family for just a short time. I understand this now.
I was thinking last week, I need now not make a decision about anything with babies for a few months, we have some time to feel the loss and let our hearts heal. But God has a great sense of humor, and a sweet baby girl came to me in my meditation 4 days ago (while I was doing the Dynamisms meditation by the way.) and miraculously we're now moving towards a baby girl due the end of June....
As I felt her, I could see her bringing in a great light, and also as I prayed I asked to help shift my grief and dismay more rapidly.
This prayer came to me:
Create in me a clean heart oh God And renew a right spirit within me Cast me not away from thy presence And take not thy holy spirit from me Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation And uphold me with thy free spirit Amen
I was thinking about the meaning of a clean heart, and renewing a right spirit within me, the birth mother of Virgil was cocaine addicted and did a great deal of harm to the little fella. The clean heart takes the anger and confusion and any matching I did with her away as well, we're not to live in grief for any period of time, life can only really move forward in gratitude and love which are almost impossible to feel in the state of shock and grief.
Presence and Holy Spirit for me are being in my Divine self present and intact. Grief in a way is an illusion, meaning that I believed there was something wrong, that something should not have happened, rather than the truth, that all is in Divine Order and moving correctly no matter how things may seem to appear. The body grieves the loss of love and another body (for example my body misses holding and loving Virgil, but the mind need not get hooked in for any length of time letting grief and sorrow become an anchor preventing goodness and light from coming in.)
Finally restore unto me the joy of thy salvation...restore my happy heart and uphold me with thy free spirit...this feels like a breath of fresh air, a renewed commitment to life and love and hope for a happy fulfilling future.