Intimacy is one of the most important and unique components of our relationship. As a matter of fact, one of the main reasons we get married is to share our lives more intimately, to feel connected on emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual level. It's a human nature to feel close to another person and to share yourself fully.
If your emotional intimacy is strong, you both feel loved and understood. You feel safe. You trust each other. You know each other on a deeper level. You share each other's hopes, dreams, desires and fears.
When you lose this emotional connection, you feel like you don't know your partner anymore or you feel like your partner doesn't understand you. Often you start keeping secrets from each other and you don't talk as much as you used to.
Intimacy is a foundation of your relationship, so it is important to work on strengthening this unique bond between you and your partner.
Here are a few simple steps you can take to build emotional connection with your spouse:
1. Emotional intimacy is based and dependent on the quality of your interactions. That's why doing things together and having pleasant, uninterrupted conversations are so important.
Every day dedicate at least 20 minutes to each other. Turn off the TV, put your phones away and simply listen to each other. Your spouse needs your support. Even if he/she doesn't verbalize it, he/she wants you to be his/her emotional safety net. Your partner wants to be heard and valued.
2.Do more of what you want to see in your marriage and watch the intimacy unfold.
What are the things you can do? One of the easiest and most popular ways is to dedicate a special time for dates. Other things that strengthen intimacy are: taking a walk, writing a sweet note, watching a movie you both enjoy or finding a hobby ( do something you used to enjoy while dating, or try some new activities together). Even doing chores together or working on the same project can bring you closer together if you approach them with the right attitude and intention.
None of the strategies will work if you don't pay a close attention to your attitude and intention.
Keep in mind the purpose of this work. Remember your WHY.
3. Write goals/plans for your marriage. Daydream together too! If money/work were not an issue what would you like to do as a couple? Where would you travel? Where would you live? This type of conversation will help you connect on more intimate level and learn more about each other.
4. If it's possible visit each other home towns and old schools. If that's not possible, share the childhood photos and share the memories with your spouse. This kind of openness and disclosure demonstrates your trust and help create emotional intimacy between the two of you.
5. Talk about the period of time in your marriage that you both enjoyed. Time, when everything went very smoothly and you both felt happy and fulfilled. What made it so easy and so special? What lessons you learned from it? What were you doing for each other back then? Then brainstorm how you can apply the strategies you used during that happy time in your marriage now.
Be patient with yourself. Rebuilding emotional intimacy takes time. It took time to grow apart and it will take your consistency and dedication to get it back. Remember that you get from your marriage what you put in it first. Make your relationship a priority and watch your intimacy grow stronger and stronger.