"Sometimes, we need to tell others things they don't want to hear." ~ Activating Compassion The Workbook ~
Even with the best intentions, and most loving heart; it can be very challenging to tell someone something that they don't want to hear. Of course, we cannot force someone to listen or take our advice; all we can do is share it, knowing they have heard it whether they do anything with it or not. Sometimes, we may feel shut out; but it is still important to speak up at times. The shutting out, is often times a need to process the information being shared. So allow for space and give them time to come back at a later time.
A friend once told me that the best friends will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear; even when there is a bit of a sting on that truth. I have learned that things only sting when we are resisting them or avoiding them. There has to be some truth in it, if we feel a sting; otherwise there would be no sting. Not something many of us like to consider.
I have learned, however, that there are ways we can present things that help to keep others from feeling attacked. When others get defensive with us, they are feeling attacked; you have hit a sensitive spot. Like continuing to bump something that has been injured. Try diffusing this with comments that puts trust or faith in them. For example, "I trust you to do things right, and appreciate you helping out in this situation. I realize you have other things to do as well, but your skills will really be an asset in this situation."
There are many components that factor into removing defensiveness; but trust helps to create a sense of confidence where someone may be lacking in personal confidence. In my world of codes, defensiveness is to be surrounded by turbulence. The turbulence cannot affect us if we have peace or stillness within; however, when we become defensive it is like stepping out of the eye of the storm; and then we become overwhelmed by our own power or the intensity of events, instead of harnessing the power and opportunities that they offer.
When we diffuse something, we are taking the initiative to act responsibly. When we diffuse defensiveness, we open the door to all involved being able to stand in their power and wholeness. From this space, we are able to access acceptance; and handle the changes that need to happen, and make the adjustments that are called for.